Real Power Is Knowing When to Pull Back
As a woman of colour with leadership aspirations, I've always known I had to work twice as hard to stay visible and credible. I was used to the careful looks, the fewer chances, the subtle pushes to prove myself over and over. Somehow, I kept moving forward without letting it break my stride—or my spirit.
When Fighting Back Felt Like Fighting Myself
But then I joined a team where, for the first time, I felt completely shut out.
It started small. A few colleagues began circling a major project I was leading. They smiled in meetings, but behind the scenes, they were slowly pushing me out:
→ Leaving me off important emails
→ Going straight to my team instead of me
→ Holding meetings about my team’s work without me
I thought the only way to hold my ground was to push back. So I got colder. More guarded. Ready to defend myself at every turn.
But fighting them meant I was losing myself. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize, and it wasn't working anyway.
Frustrated and exhausted, I turned to a mentor. Their advice shocked me:
"Let them go."
Not my work. Not my role. Them — the people trying to squeeze me out.
Letting Go — Without Giving Up
Here’s what that can look like:
Focus on what you control. Your contributions, your team’s wins, your communication. Let go of trying to control their behavior.
Document and communicate strategically. Keep your supervisor and key stakeholders informed about progress—without venting. Visibility protects your work.
Invest energy where it matters. Focus on projects, people, and initiatives that advance your growth and align with your values.
Set boundaries intentionally. Limit reactive meetings, emails, or draining interactions. Your time and attention are your most valuable resources.
Seek guidance from mentors and allies. Perspective and support can help you navigate complex dynamics without overextending yourself.
Check in with yourself. Reflection, journaling, or coaching helps you stay grounded and ensures you’re acting from choice, not reaction.
Choosing Where My Power Goes
Here's what I learned: letting go didn’t mean being passive.
It meant being intentional.
As women of colour professionals, we need to be strategic about how we show up and where we place our power. Not every microaggression deserves a macro reaction. Not every battle is worth the cost.
Sometimes the boldest move isn’t pushing back—it’s pulling back, and choosing where our energy goes.
Stay grounded. Stay focused. Stay you.
That’s real power.
Some days, I still wanted to clap back. But I stayed focused on what I could control.
And you know what? I kept my portfolio, my reputation, and my peace. They didn’t.
Sometimes the boldest move isn’t pushing back — it’s pulling back, and choosing where our energy goes.
Stay grounded. Stay focused. Stay you.
That’s real power.
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